A Quick Guide for Tourists Visiting New York

New York City is not a mall. It is not Six Flags. People live and work here. You may be on a relaxed vacation, but we have things to do and places to be.

Don’t ask us for directions; ask a police officer, postman or MTA employee. Like I said, we’re either busy trying to get to work, or taking a smoke break while trying to figure out some detail of the project we’re working on.

Sidewalks are for walking, not standing around, especially not in large groups. If you need to look at your map or take a minute to figure out where you want to go next, please, please, please step to the side by the building. Find a stoop, an alcove, anything. You wouldn’t park your car in the middle of I-85 to look for directions; the same goes for sidewalks.

The subway is not that hard. Just take the 1 (red) train for the west side, the 6 (green) for the East and the W (yellow) for the middle. The 6 and W meetup at Union Square/14th St. and the W and 1 meet up at Times Square 42nd St. That’s about all you need to know to navigate around Manhattan for a few days.

If you get lost and need to find your way back, just get on any subway and head for Times Square; you can transfer to almost any subway line there and be back on your way.

Avoid Times Square, Canal Street or 34th Street. This is not real New York. Unless they work there, real New Yorkers avoid these places like the plague. These places are just overpriced tourist traps with nothing of any real interest. You ever heard the phrase “New York is nice to visit, but I wouldn’t want to live there.” This phrase exists because tourists never see the New York where people live…it’s an entirely different place.

Virtually any street has great restaurants to enjoy for about 10-12 an entrée. You have no reason to eat at Olive Garden, The Bubba Gump Shrimp Company, or any other tourist place in Times Square. Go take one of the three above-mentioned trains. Get off at a random stop, find a random restaurant and enjoy your meal. Most restaurants put their menu out in front so you can decide if you want to eat there.

Do not, repeat, do not, eat a hot dog from a street cart. These are boiled and sit in hot water all day long. These are not good hot dogs. If you want a good New York hotdog, go to a Papaya place…there are hundreds of them. They’re cheaper than the cart and they grill the hotdogs. Also they have delicious mango juice drinks.

Do not, repeat, do not, eat pizza from the corner Mexican pizza places. New Yorkers will eat a slice here from time to time if we need a quick bite, but the slices are old and reheated and they use cheap oily cheese. Sure, it’s better than the Dominoes you’re used to, but go seek out one of the 10 or so brick oven pizza places.

There is nothing at Ground Zero. It is a construction site. New York is littered with constructions sites and they all look the same. Ground Zero, for all its significance, is a fenced off construction site. There is nothing to see or do there.

Don’t bother paying for the ferry ride to the Statue of Liberty. Just ride the Staten Island Ferry there and back. You get a great free view of the Statue of Liberty.

You may not realize it, but there are five boroughs in New York City…Manhattan is only of them, and the vast majority of New Yorkers do not live in Manhattan. If you want to tour around and see interesting shops, restaurants and things…take the trains two or three stops into Brooklyn or Queens. Maybe 10 stops into the Bronx. That is real New York where real people live in neighborhoods with their own distinct cultural flavor.

Avoid the temptation of buying anything in Chinatown or Times Square. Instead, go to the little neighborhood shops off the beaten path- get something interesting and hand-made, buy a painting off the street in SoHo. Anything from the big stores, you could get at home or cheaper off eBay. Find interesting stuff from little stores, meet the people who made it- most of them are really friendly and interesting.

Do not, repeat, do not, take a picture of a homeless person. That is just rude and callus.

Before you visit New York, read up on the city’s history. You’d probably be surprised how much happened in this city and you can then see more interesting things- where George Washington was inaugurated as the first president, where Nathan Hale was hanged after regretting that he but one life to give for his country, the Triangle Shirtwaist Factory where the American labor movement really began in earnest, Trinity Church (once the tallest building in New York), the Ghostbusters firehouse. I recommend that in the month before your trip you rent all of Ken Burn’s New York so you really appreciate the city you’re going to experience.

The Met, the Natural History Museum and the Cloisters are all free. Usually I pay a dollar, as it is suggested donation.

Despite what I’ve said about avoiding tourist traps, the top of the Empire State Building actually is pretty cool. Just be sure and go at night. Do it on your last night so you can look around and recognize things you’ve seen.

If you see a celebrity, just leave them alone. Chances are they are just trying to run errands or have lunch. If you wouldn’t want to be bothered when you’re busy, don’t bother them. Just make a mental note that you saw them and let it be. Also, if you happen upon a movie or tv shoot, take the same mental note and continue walking. Don’t stand around to gawk, because chances are you’ll spend 45 minutes watching a guy set up a lighting rig and never see one second of filming or even a momentary glimpse a movie star. Just keep watching and them tell your friends you saw Law and Order being filmed.

Go to McSorley’s for a pint. Let me know when you’re going- I’ll meet you there and you can buy me one too.

(from reddit.com)

Send me a message